Why I Decided to Become a Bereavement Doula & Photographer
Why I Decided to Become a Bereavement Doula & Photographer in San Diego
Turning pain into purpose, and presence into legacy
Let’s talk about how photographing lowlight births in 2018 — paired with walking through my own miscarriage — led me to train as a bereavement doula in San Diego, California.
Where It All Began
My love for lowlight birth photography began in hospital rooms with quiet strength and raw emotion. But after experiencing my own pregnancy loss, I couldn’t shake the feeling that families navigating heartbreak needed more than just a photo gallery. They needed presence. Support. Space to grieve and honor.
That’s what drew me into bereavement work — not just as a photographer, but as someone who could walk with families through the unthinkable.
(Note: These birth photos are not of grieving families. Please respect their privacy.)
San Diego unassisted home birth in low light **
What Is a Bereavement Doula?
A doula, by definition, is “a woman who serves.” Traditionally, doulas support families before, during, or after birth. But a bereavement doula is someone who steps into the sacred space of grief — supporting families who are experiencing loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, or a life-limiting diagnosis.
It’s not about fixing anything. It’s about holding space, offering education and presence, and helping families make memories when time is painfully short.
Why I Got Trained — And Why I Keep Showing Up
After years of photographing funerals and working with grieving military families, I felt the call to deepen my understanding and expand how I could serve.
Getting trained as a certified bereavement doula wasn’t just a checkbox for me — it was a commitment. I’ve experienced my own losses: my son, a dear shipmate, and family members whose absence still echoes. But more than anything, I saw a lack — a real lack — of tangible help, information, and compassionate support for families facing loss.
I wanted to be the person I wish I’d had.
How I Support Families: From Diagnosis to Life After Loss
Every family’s story is different. Some receive a diagnosis mid-pregnancy. Others walk into a hospital expecting one outcome and are handed another. Still others are navigating the slow unfolding of terminal illness or chronic decline in a loved one.
During Pregnancy
Help processing a diagnosis and navigating emotions
Breaking down “doctor-speak” into plain language
Helping write multiple birth plans — for life, or for loss
Gathering accurate, gentle resources so families can feel informed, not overwhelmed
During Labor & Delivery
Physical doula support with positioning, breath, and comfort
Emotional presence — helping families see their baby, not the wires or diagnosis
Encouraging intentional memory-making and keepsakes
Quiet photography, only when requested
After Goodbye
Supporting families through grief rituals
Connecting them to funeral homes, burial/memorial options, and support groups
Holding space as they transition into the “new normal” of life after loss
I do not disappear after the hospital discharge. I stay available — for as long as the family needs. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and neither does support.
Continuity of Care in a Fragmented System
So many families are passed between rotating nurses, overworked providers, and kind but overwhelmed staff. It’s no one’s fault — but in moments of crisis or impending loss, that lack of consistency can feel isolating and even disorienting.
That’s where the role of a doula — especially a bereavement doula — becomes sacred. I’m not here to replace your doctor, nurse, or chaplain. I’m here to bridge the gaps. To be the steady presence when everything else is shifting. To help you breathe through the in-between.
When I’m brought into a family’s care team — whether they’re navigating a terminal diagnosis in an adult, a difficult decision following a cancer prognosis, or the expected passing of an older child — I work alongside your existing support system. I collaborate, I advocate, and I protect the emotional space of your family, so you don’t have to explain yourselves over and over again.
Encouraging Families to Make Memories (No Matter the Age)
One of the most heartbreaking myths around death is that there’s “nothing left to do.” But that couldn’t be further from the truth. There is so much left to experience, honor, and remember — even when time is short.
My job isn’t to grieve for you, and I can't make the memories myself. But I can offer ideas, encouragement, and gentle reminders that you have permission to slow down and be present.
Whether it’s:
Listening to a favorite song together
Reading a meaningful passage of Scripture
Taking handprints, fingerprints, or footprints
Do a hand casting kit in hospital or at home
Hiring a photographer to capture your time
Recording their voice, smile, or laughter
Holding space for letters, journaling, or legacy videos
Sitting beside them in quiet presence
These moments matter. These memories last.
How Personal Loss Led Me to Serve as a Bereavement Doula
My own path into this work came through deep personal loss. As a bereaved mother, I learned that grief is not something you solve — it’s something you carry. And I also learned that the smallest acts of remembrance can echo for a lifetime.
Because I’ve lived it, I bring not just formal training — but real, embodied compassion. I walk into each space aware of the pain, but also of the beauty that can still be honored there. I meet families exactly where they are, without expectation, and help them navigate what feels impossible.
To Anyone Facing a Diagnosis or Loss of a Loved One
Please — don’t wait to make memories. No one has ever told me they regret doing “too much.” But I’ve heard countless families say, “I wish we had taken more photos.”
“I wish we had talked about it.”
“I wish we’d let ourselves just be present.”
Also — give yourself grace. You're allowed to feel broken, angry, exhausted, or numb. Whether you're a parent, spouse, sibling, or friend — your grief is real, and it matters.
You don’t have to hold it all alone. And you don’t have to have it all figured out.
I'm here to walk with you through this part of the story.
How to do this in San Diego CA.
Just Let me know if you want your birth captured and I can get you on the books in Southern California!
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Discover how to help older siblings feel included and celebrated during Newborn Photo Sessions — backed by research and family-centered photography tips. Including siblings in your in-home newborn session adds depth, emotion, and lasting memories. Whether you're a growing family in East County San Diego or a photographer looking to support your client better, remember—it’s not just about the baby, it’s about the bond. Thank you for letting me share this part of the story with you.